I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
