chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
