i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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