you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
