So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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