I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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