she takes plan B like it's going out of style
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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