My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
