I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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