i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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