Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
