i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
