idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
