You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
