capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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