it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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