Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
