then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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