Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
