my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
