I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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