Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
