how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
