More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
