i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
