when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
