Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize