who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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