What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
