I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
