Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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