i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
