Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
