The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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