In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
