there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
