May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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