so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
