My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
