i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
