Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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