the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
not ubering you a puppy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
