I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
