Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
