Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
