did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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