I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
