You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
