My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
