Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
