i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
