talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
