i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my fart just growled at me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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