i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
