Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
farters have to be the big spoon...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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